Interaction between parents and also youngsters can often be a power as well as control dynamic. Moms and dads especially obtain caught in this sort of situation where the child or adolescent is stating factors to which any sort of response by the parent is ineffective. For example, the parent may inform the youngster to tidy up her space and she might react without, I wear t need to, you could t make me. Any response, even a company threat of penalty, would simply rise the dispute; the kid might react go on, I don t treatment. As well as if the parent does implement the punishment, it has actually been a no gain circumstance. The area was not cleaned up, the youngster forced the hand of the parent into the penalty and nothing was actually achieved.
There is an additional approach to these verbal sparring matches which can yield a much more good result. I call it the Sound Pong Analogy or the Sound Pong Technique. It works similar to this: first you have to comprehend just how the video game of ping pong is played, which you most likely do. I attacked a round to you, you struck the ball back to me, I then hit it back to you, then you back to me and we try to keep this backward and forward battery going.
In the example, the ping pong ball stands for the spoken word and also the spoken word is the power. So, when a parent says to a youngster or a teen tidy your room or even it it s specified nicely like kindly tidy your area that is the ping pong ball being served. It stands for the moms and dad s power. When the kid reacts no, I wear t need to, you could t make me that is the ping pong ball being countered and also it represents the youngster s power. The youngster totally anticipates the parent to strike the ping pong sphere back to them with a declaration like if you wear t you ll be penalized or you d far better or else or did you hear just what I stated! It doesn t really matter just what is being claimed as long as something is being stated since by saying something the ping pong sphere, which stands for power, has been sent back to the youngster who is now in a position to say another thing, to strike the sphere back once again, which feels great since it is utilizing power.
Just what would certainly happen if the moms and dad instead compared to hitting the ping pong round back yet again held it? After the youngster or adolescent claims no, I wear t have to, you could t make me the moms and dad states absolutely nothing, does nothing. This is not as simple as it appears considering that there is remarkable energy and also pressure to react. However, if the parent does stay soundless and also shows no visual indicators of reaction, that is, no grinning, frowning, smirking, but simply looks at the child without claiming anything, the video game is all of a sudden altered. The moms and dad is now holding a ping-pong round that needs to be returned. Bear in mind, the ping-pong ball stands for words which represent power. So, the moms and dad is now holding the power. And also the child desires it back!
As the parent stays soundless simply looking at the kid, the youngster will likely state something. The youngster (or teen or anybody in this position) will send out one more ping-pong sphere over to the parent by claiming something like well!? or WHAT! or Exactly what s incorrect with you or Feline acquired your tongue? It doesn’t actually matter just what is claimed yet, once again, the moms and dad again claims absolutely nothing, does not send out a ping-pong ball back. Now the moms and dad is holding 2 ping pong balls! Even more power. And the youngster ares a lot more distressed because they are not acquiring the feedback they really want, which is for the parent to return some words, some power, so they could then apply their power by sending out another couple of words back to the parent.
As the parent stays silent as well as just observing, the kid may say a lot more, sending out even more words as well as more of their power over to the parent which again simply stays silent. Quickly the child understands that nothing is visiting occur and there is a prolonged silence. Throughout that duration the whole exchange awaits the air like a mist and also it is not uncommon for the kid to give in to the original request and state something like ok! I ll go tidy the area! and storm off.
Also if the child does not acquiesce, the moms and dad has not only avoided a power struggle however has maintained the advantage by not doing anything. Following is a notes sector for a reality situation:
Moms and dad: John, It s time to turn off the TV and go finish your research.
John: I ll do it later on
Moms and dad: No, John, you ll do it now. Shut off the TELEVISION.
John: Ah, come on.
John: You re such an SOB!
Moms and dad: (silence).
John: (after a moment turns away from the TELEVISION and also considers the parent).
Moms and dad: (continues to be soundless but watchful of John).
Moms and dad: (remains soundless and also considering John).
John: I ll do it later, I will.
Parent: (remains quiet and also taking a look at John).
John: (an extended moment of silence John looks back to the TELEVISION and watches for a few moments. He then transforms the TELEVISION off and goes to his room).
Parent: (continues to be silent and noting up until John is in his room then goes back to the kitchen to finish tidying up from supper.).
The problem of name contacting is secondary in this circumstance. If the parent addressed that concern, the conflict would certainly have escalated and also the homework would have been forgotten. Often parents need to pick their fights.
This approach may show up simple yet it is usually very tough for the parent to merely remain soundless and also careful without replying to what is being said to them. It is a really effective technique of holding the power as well as certainly worth some method. Good luck.